I've been feeling really stupid lately. I think it's because I'm coming to the end of my college career, and I'm realizing that I don't know half as much about things as I wish I did. For instance, I don't know anything about politics. Ask me about anyone in a government leadership position (aside from the President and VP), and I wouldn't be able to tell you their name to save my life. I didn't know where Fenway Park was until last week. I don't know anything about fashion. I can't cook anything that involves more than 4 steps of preparation. The only thing I really know is theatre with a little bit of music and media thrown in. Granted, that's my major, so it makes sense...but I wish I knew more about other things.
The most frustrating thing is that when I do finally feel like I know a good amount about something, someone comes along and shows me that I really don't know much at all.
I know it's all just a general feeling of inadequacy. I keep looking at all these grad schools I'm interested in, and they only accept a handful of people...and I just can't see myself being fortunate enough to be one of those people. I don't have amazing skills or outstanding experience. Will they even be interested in my application? And I say the dumbest things when I'm put on the spot, so even if they do ask me to come for an interview, I'll probably botch the thing by saying something ridiculous.
But I have to push these things behind me by remembering that I am enough in God's eyes. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I can do none of this on my own. I only need to know that he is with me, and that I have everything I need in him.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Heaven is the Face
Last week, I got a tiny glimpse of heaven. A group from a mission in Louisville came to chapel, and they sang and shared their testimonies with us. Most of them shared stories about their struggles with alcoholism or abuse. And they sang song after song giving God the glory for their recovery and redemption. It was like a huge party. And there was a moment where I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the idea that I was experiencing a very small taste of what heaven will be like. A bunch of sinners in fellowship with one another, unashamedly praising Jesus for rescuing them. Sure, we sing praise a lot...but this was different. It was real. It was honest.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
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