Capture Me

The weather is finally getting warmer, and it reminds me of better days. Sometimes I just wish so badly that I could go back to the beginning of the school year. Riding bikes all over town in the middle of the night, campfires, stargazing, playgrounds, hiking...

I miss the fall. Spring is great...but it's definitely not the same in a lot of ways.

I've had faint glimmers in the past few days of the joy that's been so lacking in my life. Just a moment here and there when I sense it and feel peaceful. But it seems to go just as quickly as it came.

My life has been regrettably busy as of late. 19 credit hours + two shows at once (one of which I am directing) + work + volunteering + recording voice overs makes for very little free time. Most of my days have been starting at eight and ending around eleven-thirty with practically no down time. And sure, I'm doing a lot of things that I really enjoy doing, but I know that I've let it get out of hand this time. I like being busy, but I do NOT like being too busy to even rest or do anything that I just want to do for the pure fun of it. I can't remember the last time I just sat and watched a movie without doing loads of work at the same time or just went for a walk or sat around just because I had time. And I hate that. As much as I love directing and everything else I'm doing, and as much as I love this show, I cannot wait for February 27th. On February 27th, I am going to get a massage and then I'm going to come home and do nothing but lay around - because I won't have anything else that needs doing. It will be bliss.

I was reading my Bible yesterday morning after class, and I came across this verse:

O Lord, you alone are my hope.
I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother’s womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!
Psalm 71: 5-6

I love this verse because it reminded me of everything that I've forgotten. God was caring for me even before I was born. He has held my hand for 22 years, and he has never failed me. So why do I always feel the need to be in control? Why do I try to take on life by myself? Isn't it a strange phenomenon that we can think so much rests on our shoulders, and yet we can go to sleep each night and somehow - miraculously - the world is still turning and functioning when we wake up? And it's like God is saying, "Well good morning. Look at everything I've been doing while you were asleep." If I would just continue to remember that he WANTS to take my cares and burdens, and HE is the one who can control everything that I worry about...life would be so much more peaceful.

So I've been on my knees repeatedly since yesterday morning. Prayer is being infused into my life in a powerful way. Come, Jesus. Come, peace. Come, joy.