Well, it's been an interesting Spring Break so far. Besides spending seven hours scraping paint off the floor of a TV studio, I have spent a fair amount of time at coffee shops doing work, memorizing lines, filling out grad school applications, and realizing how free life is without facebook. I thought I would have a really hard time going without it, but it's actually been quite freeing. I don't waste nearly as much time, and I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything. Perhaps this is made easier knowing that I'll be back on it by Sunday...but I like to think that I'm doing pretty well at it.
God was definitely very present in my day today. I settled down at a coffee shop to do some work and surf the web, but I couldn't get my computer to connect to the network. After multiple tries, I resigned to reading a book that I've been working on for about six months. I had about twenty pages left, and I ended up finishing it during my time there. It's taken me so long to finish not because it's a boring book, but because it's a really good book that takes a while to fully digest.
I've been very aware that I'm going through a rough patch as of late, and I felt like today was the perfect day for me to finish this book because of what it had to say specifically to me. The first thing that caught me:
"The best version of you is a hoper, because the Spirit of life is a spirit of hope...there is always hope - which is not based on circumstances, but rather is an inner disposition."
This rings so true for me. I have always had trouble separating my attitude from my circumstances. My attitude usually always directly relates to my current circumstances. But then I read this:
"What can I build my life on that circumstances cannot rob me of? I can always ask, "How would the person I most want to be face this situation?"
When I think of the people I most want to be, I think of joyful people. They're not annoyingly happy every second of the day, but they know how to quietly and gently handle their trials. And they keep their firm foundation no matter what they're going through.
So anyway, I read about these in this book. Later I took an online personality/spiritual assessment online that the book recommended, and it recommended that I learn to grow in trust. And, again, it mentioned not letting your circumstances dictate your attitude. It talked about worry, anxiety and fear.
So I started writing. I made a list of all the times I can remember when I was freaking out with anxiety and God came through for me. Times I can look back on and think, "Why was I every worried about that?" It's amazing how helpful it is to look at this list. And now, when I'm anxious or fearful about something, I can go find this list and remember all the times before.
And who knew that I'd have to put this new knowledge into practice so soon? Just an hour after reading all this, I got an email from a grad school I wanted to get into, denying my admission. After my initial uber-disappointment wore off, I realized that I could let it affect the rest of my week, or I could shrug it off and hope for the better things I know are to come. How liberating!
We sang this song when I was in high school, and during that time my gym teacher was going through chemo for breast cancer, and she was so moved by this song. I've remembered it ever since. This obviously isn't my high school, but it's the best video I could find.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8zb1tMmbMY&feature=related
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