Today has been a very good day. I woke up and spent some time laying out by the pool and reading. When I went home I spent some time writing thank you cards for graduation gifts and printing pictures. After sending them off in the mail, my brother brought over his puppy for me to watch while he went to teach youth group. I played with her until my parents got home, then went for a long run.
It was on this run that I started thinking about my life and where I have been mentally. I've been allowing myself to be down in the dumps a lot recently. I've been dwelling on discouraging things that are out of my control and consistently letting them bring my mood down. And as I was running I decided that I've had enough. No more self pity. No more allowing my mind to dwell on hurtful things. No more dwelling on the past. It's time to get this out-of-shape butt in gear and move on. I'm ripping down the curtains that I've so desperately tried to keep drawn and letting the sun shine in full force. It will take a lot of focus and resolve, but I'm feeling really good about it.
But this resolve wasn't just brought on by a running session.
I had a dream last night that I felt was pretty remarkable. I've been talking with a few people about how I feel like God is growing me in really uncomfortable ways right now and how easy it is to wish it away. But someone reminded me the other day that difficult growth produces the best results and sometimes you just have to sift through all the grime and dirt in order to get to the other side.
So in this dream I was in a wooden cottage. The walls and things were very gross and dirty. Dust and debris lay in every corner. Suddenly, tiny flames started coming through some of the holes in the wall in front of me. There happened to be a fire extinguisher right beside me, so I picked it up and started spraying the flames. But as soon as they went, more tiny flames started bursting through other holes. I soon found myself rushing frantically around the room trying to put the flames out, but they were too fast for me. The fire extinguisher was growing light and I knew there wasn't much left. After desperately spraying the last of it on nonrespondent flames, I could only watch as the place was engulfed by fire. I felt hopeless, knowing the roof would soon cave in and everything would crumble. But, to my shock, the opposite happened. The grime and dirt that stained the walls was disappearing. The debris in the corners was growing smaller. Before I knew it I was surrounded by the cleanest, strongest walls I could imagine. The ceiling itself grew white and fresh. I marveled at the newness of it all and couldn't comprehend why the fire hadn't brought it down.
I woke up realizing that this dream was a gift. It was an incredible reminder that even though growth can be difficult and hard times can feel overwhelming, God is using these things to make me into the beautiful creation that he intended me to be. I don't have to feel hopeless or frantic about my situations, but can trust and rest assured that he will bring everything to fruition.
How freeing is that!
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