It's really hard to get used to not having a dog when you've had one since the 2nd grade. It just feels like something is missing in the house. And not just something... but someone. I've only been home for a day, but every time we walk into the house I expect to see my little doggy wagging her tail from the laundry room and begging to be taken outside.
Even tonight I walked through the kitchen to get something and automatically looked toward the laundry room where she sleeps, thinking I would see her curled up for the night. But it was empty. Nothing but a bag of her old dog food sitting in the corner.
My brother and sister-in-law were kind enough to surprise me by bringing their dog over last night so that I could be welcomed home by a cute, furry friend. It really helped...but of course their dog had to go home eventually, and now it just seems so empty here. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually, but not tonight.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Imagine All the People...
Isn't it strange how things can change so quickly? I'm often astounded at the brevity of life, and yet I find myself feeling like past events in my life happened so long ago. Other times I feel like they didn't happen at all, they were just a dream. Do you ever feel this way?
It happens with old friends. Someone you used to know from high school or when you were kids, someone you hung out with every day...and you see their facebook page or a picture and you're suddenly struck by the fact that you don't known that person at all anymore.
It happens with old relationships. Someone who was your best friend, who shared everything with you, who knew your secrets and dreams...and you see them a few years later and it seems like everything that happened was just a dream. Now they are a stranger and you think, "Wow. Were they really once the closest person in my life?"
Or it happens just with regular ol' life. Things you once thought you wanted seem so far away and irrelevant to your current life, and you wonder why you ever wanted them in the first place.
It's just an interesting thing to me...
Completely unrelated, my boyfriend introduced me to a website a few weeks ago where people can post pretty much whatever they want about anything they want. It's basically just a giant forum of nothing and everything. I've been reading through it pretty regularly, and I came across something today that shed a small ray of hope on humanity.
A guy from Florida had posted that his father was just murdered this morning, and he didn't know what to do. He was very lost and shocked. So far, 600 people have posted comments offering frequent flier miles to the funeral, suits he can wear (apparently he doesn't have one), places to stay, and words of sympathy and advice. All these people he's never met are offering to fly him up to the funeral and give him places to stay. A couple guys asked him to give them his address and sizes and they would overnight a suit to him. I couldn't help but be amazed at all these people reaching out to a complete stranger. It's so very encouraging.
It happens with old friends. Someone you used to know from high school or when you were kids, someone you hung out with every day...and you see their facebook page or a picture and you're suddenly struck by the fact that you don't known that person at all anymore.
It happens with old relationships. Someone who was your best friend, who shared everything with you, who knew your secrets and dreams...and you see them a few years later and it seems like everything that happened was just a dream. Now they are a stranger and you think, "Wow. Were they really once the closest person in my life?"
Or it happens just with regular ol' life. Things you once thought you wanted seem so far away and irrelevant to your current life, and you wonder why you ever wanted them in the first place.
It's just an interesting thing to me...
Completely unrelated, my boyfriend introduced me to a website a few weeks ago where people can post pretty much whatever they want about anything they want. It's basically just a giant forum of nothing and everything. I've been reading through it pretty regularly, and I came across something today that shed a small ray of hope on humanity.
A guy from Florida had posted that his father was just murdered this morning, and he didn't know what to do. He was very lost and shocked. So far, 600 people have posted comments offering frequent flier miles to the funeral, suits he can wear (apparently he doesn't have one), places to stay, and words of sympathy and advice. All these people he's never met are offering to fly him up to the funeral and give him places to stay. A couple guys asked him to give them his address and sizes and they would overnight a suit to him. I couldn't help but be amazed at all these people reaching out to a complete stranger. It's so very encouraging.
Friday, December 3, 2010
It Goes On and On and On...
Two weeks ago I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "The show must go on." Five minutes before heading to our first dress rehearsal for The Last Night of Ballyhoo, I got a phone call from my mom. She very tearfully told me that she had to put my dog to sleep that day because of how sick she had gotten. I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I had to consciously NOT think about it the entire night or else I dissolved into a weepy blob all over again. It was quite difficult, and I'm never one to hide what I'm feeling about things, so it was quite challenging. It still hits me hard sometimes when I see a little dog or something reminds me of it, but it's getting better. It sure will be weird, though, to go home and not see her waiting at the door for me. Yucky.
It's cold. So cold. I always liked winter...until I moved to Florida.
Anyway, my post-graduation options seem to be narrowing, which is a very good thing. I'm studying for the GRE...slowly, but surely. And I've found a few schools that I'd like to apply to, and I'm almost positive I can get into at least one of them. But we'll see. So the plan is to do a two or three year grad school study of theatre directing. After that, I can teach. Yay!
But last night, I realized that somewhere along the way of my search for what to do, I dropped the idea of performing after college. And I'm not quite sure what happened to it. Has my subconscious just been telling me that I'm not good enough to act professionally? Am I believing it? Or do I really just desire to direct more than perform? Am I too scared of the unknown and the possible rejection?
All these questions started filling my head at once, and they haven't really left yet. I presume the course I am on will not change, but it's just interesting to think about.
Oh, and I'm in love. It's fabulous.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I had to consciously NOT think about it the entire night or else I dissolved into a weepy blob all over again. It was quite difficult, and I'm never one to hide what I'm feeling about things, so it was quite challenging. It still hits me hard sometimes when I see a little dog or something reminds me of it, but it's getting better. It sure will be weird, though, to go home and not see her waiting at the door for me. Yucky.
It's cold. So cold. I always liked winter...until I moved to Florida.
Anyway, my post-graduation options seem to be narrowing, which is a very good thing. I'm studying for the GRE...slowly, but surely. And I've found a few schools that I'd like to apply to, and I'm almost positive I can get into at least one of them. But we'll see. So the plan is to do a two or three year grad school study of theatre directing. After that, I can teach. Yay!
But last night, I realized that somewhere along the way of my search for what to do, I dropped the idea of performing after college. And I'm not quite sure what happened to it. Has my subconscious just been telling me that I'm not good enough to act professionally? Am I believing it? Or do I really just desire to direct more than perform? Am I too scared of the unknown and the possible rejection?
All these questions started filling my head at once, and they haven't really left yet. I presume the course I am on will not change, but it's just interesting to think about.
Oh, and I'm in love. It's fabulous.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Aftershocks
Last week I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "The show must go on." Five minutes before heading to our first dress rehearsal for The Last Night of Ballyhoo, I got a phone call from my mom. She very tearfully told me that she had to put my dog to sleep that day because of how sick she had gotten.
I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I
I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I
Monday, November 8, 2010
There You Are, Sitting in the Garden
When I think of the days of the week, I associate each day with a color. Does anyone else do this? Here's how mine breaks down:
Monday = Blue
Tuesday = Green
Wednesday = White
Thursday = Purple
Friday = Red
Saturday = Black
Sunday = Iridescent
I don't know why this happens, but I can remember thinking about it all the way back to the second grade. Wednesdays were piano lesson days...white. I hated Wednesdays.
Last night I went to UK's library to study for the GRE. Libraries are so cool. I love visiting campuses and seeing their libraries. They are all so unique. Some of them are small and cramped with dim lighting and an "old" smell. Others are open and bright with lots of windows and comfy chairs. Whenever I visit another college campus, it makes me thankful for my own. Although I sometimes get frustrated and complain about my university, it's a community that I feel very much a part of. When I visit other campuses, I feel like an outsider. It's a community that I don't belong to. But it's always fun to go see what other campuses and communities are like.
It's interesting to walk through a library and take a look at what people are working on around you. One guy is sitting before a giant spreadsheet. A girl is disregarding her homework and surfing facebook. Another girl is reading what looks to be a Shakespeare play. Several groups are meeting in different corners to go over a project or presentation. Everyone's working.
I can't help but think about the thousands of students that go through that library each year. Each of them are studying for something...studying to obtain some degree that will take them who knows where. The future biologist. Accountant. English teacher. Nurse. Social worker. They come from all over into a concentrated community for four + years and then spread out once more to pursue their careers. They get up every day, go to their jobs, come home, sleep, repeat.
And it's so intriguing to think that people have such a variety of interests. I couldn't in a hundred years imagine getting excited over numbers or math problems. But other people find that kind of thing utterly stimulating. Someone else wouldn't dream of getting up to speak in front of people every day, while others relentlessly pursue careers in teaching, motivational speaking, or politics.
God has wired us all so differently. I'm so thankful to him for making us all unique. I mean, what if no one desired to be a doctor anymore? The world would fall into utter chaos and we'd probably have another sweeping epidemic of the Black Plague on our hands. And yet, thousands of students across the nation are desiring to help others when they fall sick. It's a beautiful thing.
Thank you, God, for your creativity and orderliness. You and you alone sustain our world.
Monday = Blue
Tuesday = Green
Wednesday = White
Thursday = Purple
Friday = Red
Saturday = Black
Sunday = Iridescent
I don't know why this happens, but I can remember thinking about it all the way back to the second grade. Wednesdays were piano lesson days...white. I hated Wednesdays.
Last night I went to UK's library to study for the GRE. Libraries are so cool. I love visiting campuses and seeing their libraries. They are all so unique. Some of them are small and cramped with dim lighting and an "old" smell. Others are open and bright with lots of windows and comfy chairs. Whenever I visit another college campus, it makes me thankful for my own. Although I sometimes get frustrated and complain about my university, it's a community that I feel very much a part of. When I visit other campuses, I feel like an outsider. It's a community that I don't belong to. But it's always fun to go see what other campuses and communities are like.
It's interesting to walk through a library and take a look at what people are working on around you. One guy is sitting before a giant spreadsheet. A girl is disregarding her homework and surfing facebook. Another girl is reading what looks to be a Shakespeare play. Several groups are meeting in different corners to go over a project or presentation. Everyone's working.
I can't help but think about the thousands of students that go through that library each year. Each of them are studying for something...studying to obtain some degree that will take them who knows where. The future biologist. Accountant. English teacher. Nurse. Social worker. They come from all over into a concentrated community for four + years and then spread out once more to pursue their careers. They get up every day, go to their jobs, come home, sleep, repeat.
And it's so intriguing to think that people have such a variety of interests. I couldn't in a hundred years imagine getting excited over numbers or math problems. But other people find that kind of thing utterly stimulating. Someone else wouldn't dream of getting up to speak in front of people every day, while others relentlessly pursue careers in teaching, motivational speaking, or politics.
God has wired us all so differently. I'm so thankful to him for making us all unique. I mean, what if no one desired to be a doctor anymore? The world would fall into utter chaos and we'd probably have another sweeping epidemic of the Black Plague on our hands. And yet, thousands of students across the nation are desiring to help others when they fall sick. It's a beautiful thing.
Thank you, God, for your creativity and orderliness. You and you alone sustain our world.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Brightest Little Firefly
I've been feeling really stupid lately. I think it's because I'm coming to the end of my college career, and I'm realizing that I don't know half as much about things as I wish I did. For instance, I don't know anything about politics. Ask me about anyone in a government leadership position (aside from the President and VP), and I wouldn't be able to tell you their name to save my life. I didn't know where Fenway Park was until last week. I don't know anything about fashion. I can't cook anything that involves more than 4 steps of preparation. The only thing I really know is theatre with a little bit of music and media thrown in. Granted, that's my major, so it makes sense...but I wish I knew more about other things.
The most frustrating thing is that when I do finally feel like I know a good amount about something, someone comes along and shows me that I really don't know much at all.
I know it's all just a general feeling of inadequacy. I keep looking at all these grad schools I'm interested in, and they only accept a handful of people...and I just can't see myself being fortunate enough to be one of those people. I don't have amazing skills or outstanding experience. Will they even be interested in my application? And I say the dumbest things when I'm put on the spot, so even if they do ask me to come for an interview, I'll probably botch the thing by saying something ridiculous.
But I have to push these things behind me by remembering that I am enough in God's eyes. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I can do none of this on my own. I only need to know that he is with me, and that I have everything I need in him.
The most frustrating thing is that when I do finally feel like I know a good amount about something, someone comes along and shows me that I really don't know much at all.
I know it's all just a general feeling of inadequacy. I keep looking at all these grad schools I'm interested in, and they only accept a handful of people...and I just can't see myself being fortunate enough to be one of those people. I don't have amazing skills or outstanding experience. Will they even be interested in my application? And I say the dumbest things when I'm put on the spot, so even if they do ask me to come for an interview, I'll probably botch the thing by saying something ridiculous.
But I have to push these things behind me by remembering that I am enough in God's eyes. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I can do none of this on my own. I only need to know that he is with me, and that I have everything I need in him.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Heaven is the Face
Last week, I got a tiny glimpse of heaven. A group from a mission in Louisville came to chapel, and they sang and shared their testimonies with us. Most of them shared stories about their struggles with alcoholism or abuse. And they sang song after song giving God the glory for their recovery and redemption. It was like a huge party. And there was a moment where I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the idea that I was experiencing a very small taste of what heaven will be like. A bunch of sinners in fellowship with one another, unashamedly praising Jesus for rescuing them. Sure, we sing praise a lot...but this was different. It was real. It was honest.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
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