Sometimes when I go to church I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I'm not always good at focusing my attention on what's going on or what the pastor is saying. I am so easily distracted. And I feel like it's been a while since I fully engaged in a worship service. But tonight was different.
We're going through a series called "There's an App for That," and tonight's App was Worry. I've heard my fair share of sermons on Worry, but this one deeply affected me, and I know that it's because of where I am in life and because God so desperately wants me back.
It was one of those services which I kicked myself all the way through for not bringing my journal to take notes with. As someone who suffers from frequent anxiety and worry, I really needed to hear this sermon. Aside from the issue of plain worry, the pastor talked about keeping a "light grip" on the things in life. We have very little control over the day to day things that happen to us. And I realized that there are so many things in my life that I try to keep a firm grip on. Sometimes I even grasp them so hard that I ruin them. And when one of those things is taken from me, it's like the end of the world in my mind.
As soon as he said "light grip," I knew it was a phrase that would be sticking with me for a while. I can't count on a lot of things in life. People fail. Plans fall through. Things change. If I'm keeping a firm grip on anything, it should be my faith. "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
How many times have I heard this verse? Dozens and dozens. How many times have I actually applied it to my life? Maybe once. I seek so many things. I fill my life with so many obligations and doings and I tell God that I can handle everything and still keep him at the top of my priorities...but I fail each and every time. And every time, after everything crumbles and falls apart, he is there waiting for me with open arms.
"I'm so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are."
My life revolves around love. I am driven by my love and driven to love. But when is the last time that I let God's love be sufficient for me? And not only sufficient to fill me, but to overflow and touch those around me?
"Be my everything."
So lacking in trust. The epitome of "Ye of little faith." Seeking my satisfaction and fulfillment everywhere else. I have to change. I have to give him everything. I've let my sorrow and worry take up residence in my heart, and I have barred him from taking it. I have to stop worrying and just rest in the knowledge that God is already living in my future. How freeing to know that the Creator of the Universe, the Almighty God, the Alpha and Omega cares about everything in my life. And he wants me. He is jealous for me.
I am overwhelmed.
I'm so tired of living for myself and wasting my time. I want to soak up the love of Christ and unleash it on everyone around me, keeping a light grip on the things I cannot control and a strong hold on the One who has never failed me.
"So let your name be lifted higher, be lifted higher, be lifted higher.
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