I did it! Exactly one year ago today, I started this blog with the intention of carrying it through the entire year. Seventy-two posts later, the year is over and I have accomplished my goal. At the end of last year, I set a four goals for myself:
1. Run a 10k
2. Give up soda
3. Avoid using plastic bags at all costs
4. Read 25 books
Of these four goals, I accomplished one. I finally gave up soda in June, and I've had maybe 6 sodas since then. Every time I have one, it just doesn't taste right to me anymore, and I hardly ever drink the whole thing. So hooray!
I also 'sort of' accomplished my goal of avoiding plastic bags. I try to remember to take in my reusable bags every chance I get, but when I forget, I bring the plastic bags back to the store to recycle. I feel that this should give me at least half credit for this goal.
As for the 10k...well, I just didn't do it. I can still run three miles pretty easily, though, and I enrolled myself in a class for next semester which will enable me and almost force me to get in shape, and my goal is to run a 10k at the end of the semester, right before graduation.
And the books...yes, the books. I think I read four books this year...so...not even close on that one. I feel like I should punish myself by reading 30 books this year, but seeing how miserably I failed at attempting 25, I think I'll try for 20 this year.
Whew.
So...it's been a whole year. It's 2011. This year has been looming over me for the past four years. It's graduation year. Crazy. A whole lot has happened this year, as always. I mean, it's a year. I'd feel pretty pitiful if very few things had happened.
Thinking back over the year, there were a few big events that come to mind immediately. I went to the Olympics as a TV reporter. I assistant directed my first high school show. My dog died. I had a super awesome internship all summer. I got dumped. I fell in love. My best friend got engaged. I went to my first UK game.
And then there were the small things. Like riding bikes with my friends all over town at 1 in the morning. Stargazing in the middle of the streets. Water balloon fights. Hanging out at a mansion all summer. Days on the beach with friends. Eating fro yo almost every night. Sneaking around where we shouldn't be. Taco Bell runs every other night.
It's been a great year. It's had its ups and downs, and I never thought I'd be here, but I couldn't be more happy about where I am. I have so much to be thankful for.
So what's in store for this next year? I know this blog was meant to only last a year, but I've really enjoyed it and really want to keep it going. But the other night as I was clicking "stumble" over and over on stumbleupon.com, I became more aware of the reality of my generation.
My generation wants to be heard. When we are hurt, or have an opinion, or are just plain bored, we change our facebook status. We write blogs, much like mine here. We send those emo pictures out into cyberspace hoping that guy or girl we are convinced is 'the one' will see it. You know, those ones that say things like, "You asked me what's wrong and I smiled and said, 'Nothing'...then I turned around and whispered, 'Everything." We twitter, sometimes obsessively about where we are, what we're doing, what we see, how we feel, who we're with...
But who exactly is listening? In this world full of a billion voices all wanting to be heard, how is anyone being heard above the rest? I myself like to think that other people enjoy reading my statuses and my blog. But how can my voice be different?
So here are my New Year resolutions:
1. Run a 10k...seriously.
2. Read 20 books
3. Every time I write a new blog post, instead of just rambling about my thoughts, complaints, desires, life, etc., I am going to include something in every post that will hopefully edify the reader. Whether it's a verse, a quote, or just a challenging thought, I want to write for people, not for myself. This also applies to my facebook statuses or anything else I post for the general public. I tend to whine and complain a lot. I tend to ramble. But I want to focus on encouraging people. Because if I'm going to be a voice, I might as well be a voice that edifies, builds up and inspires.
What's your resolution?
Thanks for coming on this journey with me, both in the past year and in the years to come.
Hebrews 12:12 – So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Try to Remember
It's really hard to get used to not having a dog when you've had one since the 2nd grade. It just feels like something is missing in the house. And not just something... but someone. I've only been home for a day, but every time we walk into the house I expect to see my little doggy wagging her tail from the laundry room and begging to be taken outside.
Even tonight I walked through the kitchen to get something and automatically looked toward the laundry room where she sleeps, thinking I would see her curled up for the night. But it was empty. Nothing but a bag of her old dog food sitting in the corner.
My brother and sister-in-law were kind enough to surprise me by bringing their dog over last night so that I could be welcomed home by a cute, furry friend. It really helped...but of course their dog had to go home eventually, and now it just seems so empty here. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually, but not tonight.
Even tonight I walked through the kitchen to get something and automatically looked toward the laundry room where she sleeps, thinking I would see her curled up for the night. But it was empty. Nothing but a bag of her old dog food sitting in the corner.
My brother and sister-in-law were kind enough to surprise me by bringing their dog over last night so that I could be welcomed home by a cute, furry friend. It really helped...but of course their dog had to go home eventually, and now it just seems so empty here. I suppose I'll get used to it eventually, but not tonight.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Imagine All the People...
Isn't it strange how things can change so quickly? I'm often astounded at the brevity of life, and yet I find myself feeling like past events in my life happened so long ago. Other times I feel like they didn't happen at all, they were just a dream. Do you ever feel this way?
It happens with old friends. Someone you used to know from high school or when you were kids, someone you hung out with every day...and you see their facebook page or a picture and you're suddenly struck by the fact that you don't known that person at all anymore.
It happens with old relationships. Someone who was your best friend, who shared everything with you, who knew your secrets and dreams...and you see them a few years later and it seems like everything that happened was just a dream. Now they are a stranger and you think, "Wow. Were they really once the closest person in my life?"
Or it happens just with regular ol' life. Things you once thought you wanted seem so far away and irrelevant to your current life, and you wonder why you ever wanted them in the first place.
It's just an interesting thing to me...
Completely unrelated, my boyfriend introduced me to a website a few weeks ago where people can post pretty much whatever they want about anything they want. It's basically just a giant forum of nothing and everything. I've been reading through it pretty regularly, and I came across something today that shed a small ray of hope on humanity.
A guy from Florida had posted that his father was just murdered this morning, and he didn't know what to do. He was very lost and shocked. So far, 600 people have posted comments offering frequent flier miles to the funeral, suits he can wear (apparently he doesn't have one), places to stay, and words of sympathy and advice. All these people he's never met are offering to fly him up to the funeral and give him places to stay. A couple guys asked him to give them his address and sizes and they would overnight a suit to him. I couldn't help but be amazed at all these people reaching out to a complete stranger. It's so very encouraging.
It happens with old friends. Someone you used to know from high school or when you were kids, someone you hung out with every day...and you see their facebook page or a picture and you're suddenly struck by the fact that you don't known that person at all anymore.
It happens with old relationships. Someone who was your best friend, who shared everything with you, who knew your secrets and dreams...and you see them a few years later and it seems like everything that happened was just a dream. Now they are a stranger and you think, "Wow. Were they really once the closest person in my life?"
Or it happens just with regular ol' life. Things you once thought you wanted seem so far away and irrelevant to your current life, and you wonder why you ever wanted them in the first place.
It's just an interesting thing to me...
Completely unrelated, my boyfriend introduced me to a website a few weeks ago where people can post pretty much whatever they want about anything they want. It's basically just a giant forum of nothing and everything. I've been reading through it pretty regularly, and I came across something today that shed a small ray of hope on humanity.
A guy from Florida had posted that his father was just murdered this morning, and he didn't know what to do. He was very lost and shocked. So far, 600 people have posted comments offering frequent flier miles to the funeral, suits he can wear (apparently he doesn't have one), places to stay, and words of sympathy and advice. All these people he's never met are offering to fly him up to the funeral and give him places to stay. A couple guys asked him to give them his address and sizes and they would overnight a suit to him. I couldn't help but be amazed at all these people reaching out to a complete stranger. It's so very encouraging.
Friday, December 3, 2010
It Goes On and On and On...
Two weeks ago I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "The show must go on." Five minutes before heading to our first dress rehearsal for The Last Night of Ballyhoo, I got a phone call from my mom. She very tearfully told me that she had to put my dog to sleep that day because of how sick she had gotten. I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I had to consciously NOT think about it the entire night or else I dissolved into a weepy blob all over again. It was quite difficult, and I'm never one to hide what I'm feeling about things, so it was quite challenging. It still hits me hard sometimes when I see a little dog or something reminds me of it, but it's getting better. It sure will be weird, though, to go home and not see her waiting at the door for me. Yucky.
It's cold. So cold. I always liked winter...until I moved to Florida.
Anyway, my post-graduation options seem to be narrowing, which is a very good thing. I'm studying for the GRE...slowly, but surely. And I've found a few schools that I'd like to apply to, and I'm almost positive I can get into at least one of them. But we'll see. So the plan is to do a two or three year grad school study of theatre directing. After that, I can teach. Yay!
But last night, I realized that somewhere along the way of my search for what to do, I dropped the idea of performing after college. And I'm not quite sure what happened to it. Has my subconscious just been telling me that I'm not good enough to act professionally? Am I believing it? Or do I really just desire to direct more than perform? Am I too scared of the unknown and the possible rejection?
All these questions started filling my head at once, and they haven't really left yet. I presume the course I am on will not change, but it's just interesting to think about.
Oh, and I'm in love. It's fabulous.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I had to consciously NOT think about it the entire night or else I dissolved into a weepy blob all over again. It was quite difficult, and I'm never one to hide what I'm feeling about things, so it was quite challenging. It still hits me hard sometimes when I see a little dog or something reminds me of it, but it's getting better. It sure will be weird, though, to go home and not see her waiting at the door for me. Yucky.
It's cold. So cold. I always liked winter...until I moved to Florida.
Anyway, my post-graduation options seem to be narrowing, which is a very good thing. I'm studying for the GRE...slowly, but surely. And I've found a few schools that I'd like to apply to, and I'm almost positive I can get into at least one of them. But we'll see. So the plan is to do a two or three year grad school study of theatre directing. After that, I can teach. Yay!
But last night, I realized that somewhere along the way of my search for what to do, I dropped the idea of performing after college. And I'm not quite sure what happened to it. Has my subconscious just been telling me that I'm not good enough to act professionally? Am I believing it? Or do I really just desire to direct more than perform? Am I too scared of the unknown and the possible rejection?
All these questions started filling my head at once, and they haven't really left yet. I presume the course I am on will not change, but it's just interesting to think about.
Oh, and I'm in love. It's fabulous.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Aftershocks
Last week I learned the true meaning of the phrase, "The show must go on." Five minutes before heading to our first dress rehearsal for The Last Night of Ballyhoo, I got a phone call from my mom. She very tearfully told me that she had to put my dog to sleep that day because of how sick she had gotten.
I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I
I've had my puppy, Jazzi, since the sixth grade, and we were always together whenever I was home. She was probably the smartest dog I've ever met. She never learned any tricks and she couldn't be let outside unless she was on a leash or else she would run away. Most would blame this on stupidity. I stick to the idea that she was just too smart to do the stupid things we tried to get her to do. She knew there was no reason for it.
Anyway, I had to go to rehearsal right after the phone call, so I dried my tears and shuffled to the theatre. I
Monday, November 8, 2010
There You Are, Sitting in the Garden
When I think of the days of the week, I associate each day with a color. Does anyone else do this? Here's how mine breaks down:
Monday = Blue
Tuesday = Green
Wednesday = White
Thursday = Purple
Friday = Red
Saturday = Black
Sunday = Iridescent
I don't know why this happens, but I can remember thinking about it all the way back to the second grade. Wednesdays were piano lesson days...white. I hated Wednesdays.
Last night I went to UK's library to study for the GRE. Libraries are so cool. I love visiting campuses and seeing their libraries. They are all so unique. Some of them are small and cramped with dim lighting and an "old" smell. Others are open and bright with lots of windows and comfy chairs. Whenever I visit another college campus, it makes me thankful for my own. Although I sometimes get frustrated and complain about my university, it's a community that I feel very much a part of. When I visit other campuses, I feel like an outsider. It's a community that I don't belong to. But it's always fun to go see what other campuses and communities are like.
It's interesting to walk through a library and take a look at what people are working on around you. One guy is sitting before a giant spreadsheet. A girl is disregarding her homework and surfing facebook. Another girl is reading what looks to be a Shakespeare play. Several groups are meeting in different corners to go over a project or presentation. Everyone's working.
I can't help but think about the thousands of students that go through that library each year. Each of them are studying for something...studying to obtain some degree that will take them who knows where. The future biologist. Accountant. English teacher. Nurse. Social worker. They come from all over into a concentrated community for four + years and then spread out once more to pursue their careers. They get up every day, go to their jobs, come home, sleep, repeat.
And it's so intriguing to think that people have such a variety of interests. I couldn't in a hundred years imagine getting excited over numbers or math problems. But other people find that kind of thing utterly stimulating. Someone else wouldn't dream of getting up to speak in front of people every day, while others relentlessly pursue careers in teaching, motivational speaking, or politics.
God has wired us all so differently. I'm so thankful to him for making us all unique. I mean, what if no one desired to be a doctor anymore? The world would fall into utter chaos and we'd probably have another sweeping epidemic of the Black Plague on our hands. And yet, thousands of students across the nation are desiring to help others when they fall sick. It's a beautiful thing.
Thank you, God, for your creativity and orderliness. You and you alone sustain our world.
Monday = Blue
Tuesday = Green
Wednesday = White
Thursday = Purple
Friday = Red
Saturday = Black
Sunday = Iridescent
I don't know why this happens, but I can remember thinking about it all the way back to the second grade. Wednesdays were piano lesson days...white. I hated Wednesdays.
Last night I went to UK's library to study for the GRE. Libraries are so cool. I love visiting campuses and seeing their libraries. They are all so unique. Some of them are small and cramped with dim lighting and an "old" smell. Others are open and bright with lots of windows and comfy chairs. Whenever I visit another college campus, it makes me thankful for my own. Although I sometimes get frustrated and complain about my university, it's a community that I feel very much a part of. When I visit other campuses, I feel like an outsider. It's a community that I don't belong to. But it's always fun to go see what other campuses and communities are like.
It's interesting to walk through a library and take a look at what people are working on around you. One guy is sitting before a giant spreadsheet. A girl is disregarding her homework and surfing facebook. Another girl is reading what looks to be a Shakespeare play. Several groups are meeting in different corners to go over a project or presentation. Everyone's working.
I can't help but think about the thousands of students that go through that library each year. Each of them are studying for something...studying to obtain some degree that will take them who knows where. The future biologist. Accountant. English teacher. Nurse. Social worker. They come from all over into a concentrated community for four + years and then spread out once more to pursue their careers. They get up every day, go to their jobs, come home, sleep, repeat.
And it's so intriguing to think that people have such a variety of interests. I couldn't in a hundred years imagine getting excited over numbers or math problems. But other people find that kind of thing utterly stimulating. Someone else wouldn't dream of getting up to speak in front of people every day, while others relentlessly pursue careers in teaching, motivational speaking, or politics.
God has wired us all so differently. I'm so thankful to him for making us all unique. I mean, what if no one desired to be a doctor anymore? The world would fall into utter chaos and we'd probably have another sweeping epidemic of the Black Plague on our hands. And yet, thousands of students across the nation are desiring to help others when they fall sick. It's a beautiful thing.
Thank you, God, for your creativity and orderliness. You and you alone sustain our world.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Brightest Little Firefly
I've been feeling really stupid lately. I think it's because I'm coming to the end of my college career, and I'm realizing that I don't know half as much about things as I wish I did. For instance, I don't know anything about politics. Ask me about anyone in a government leadership position (aside from the President and VP), and I wouldn't be able to tell you their name to save my life. I didn't know where Fenway Park was until last week. I don't know anything about fashion. I can't cook anything that involves more than 4 steps of preparation. The only thing I really know is theatre with a little bit of music and media thrown in. Granted, that's my major, so it makes sense...but I wish I knew more about other things.
The most frustrating thing is that when I do finally feel like I know a good amount about something, someone comes along and shows me that I really don't know much at all.
I know it's all just a general feeling of inadequacy. I keep looking at all these grad schools I'm interested in, and they only accept a handful of people...and I just can't see myself being fortunate enough to be one of those people. I don't have amazing skills or outstanding experience. Will they even be interested in my application? And I say the dumbest things when I'm put on the spot, so even if they do ask me to come for an interview, I'll probably botch the thing by saying something ridiculous.
But I have to push these things behind me by remembering that I am enough in God's eyes. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I can do none of this on my own. I only need to know that he is with me, and that I have everything I need in him.
The most frustrating thing is that when I do finally feel like I know a good amount about something, someone comes along and shows me that I really don't know much at all.
I know it's all just a general feeling of inadequacy. I keep looking at all these grad schools I'm interested in, and they only accept a handful of people...and I just can't see myself being fortunate enough to be one of those people. I don't have amazing skills or outstanding experience. Will they even be interested in my application? And I say the dumbest things when I'm put on the spot, so even if they do ask me to come for an interview, I'll probably botch the thing by saying something ridiculous.
But I have to push these things behind me by remembering that I am enough in God's eyes. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I can do none of this on my own. I only need to know that he is with me, and that I have everything I need in him.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Heaven is the Face
Last week, I got a tiny glimpse of heaven. A group from a mission in Louisville came to chapel, and they sang and shared their testimonies with us. Most of them shared stories about their struggles with alcoholism or abuse. And they sang song after song giving God the glory for their recovery and redemption. It was like a huge party. And there was a moment where I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the idea that I was experiencing a very small taste of what heaven will be like. A bunch of sinners in fellowship with one another, unashamedly praising Jesus for rescuing them. Sure, we sing praise a lot...but this was different. It was real. It was honest.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
Even now, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was just an overwhelming sense of what is to come. Home.
There have been a lot of things running through my head lately that have yet to be worked out. I'm reading a book right now called "The Me I Want to Be" and it is totally changing my life. My church went through it last year, but I never got around to reading it until now. I feel like I mentioned this in a previous post. Maybe I did. If I did, (insert southern accent) ma deepest apologies.
Over the summer, my church performed a song called "Show Me Your Glory." I struggled with the words of this song so much that it still hasn't left my head. I listen to the song often, and I want so badly to like it, but I can't. It just doesn't seem to be right. It's about asking God to see his glory the way Moses did. I've been reading sermons online and asking people about it, and I still have yet to work it out. Who am I to ask to see the glory of the Most High God? I feel like I would drop dead if I saw a glimpse of his face. How can I stand there and sing, "I'm not afraid. Show me your glory"? I just can't feel right about it. I'm still working it out. I just don't think I'll ever agree with the song.
Lastly, I need to brag for just a second. God has brought an amazing man into my life. The timing was perfect, and he is incredible. I feel so blessed by him every single day. He brings such joy and healing into my life. He's the cat's pajamas.
I feel like I'm learning a lot this semester about life, my career, and what's coming next. But there are still many mysteries that I feel I will never get to the bottom of...like skim milk, diet soda, and why the library doors are so awfully difficult to open.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Put It In the Air and Sing
I finally found a video that perfectly summarizes the things that have been on my mind and heart the past few months. It's a teaser for Hillsong's iHeart Revolution. Take a look.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk
"It's not fair that we can go about consuming every single material option that comes our way while the widow and orphan are stripped of life's basic dignities because they're victims of a conflict that simply isn't theirs."
"It's not fair that there's a generation who are choking on their obesity while, at the same time, there's 30 thousand children who will die today for lack of food."
"It's not fair that we can sit and watch the evening news from the comfort of our living rooms and pity those who live where the storm hit or where the ground shook or where the water rose and simply feel sorry for them and then change the channel while they suffer."
"Who are we to forget the downtrodden or the oppressed or the marginalized while we go about chasing the dream?"
"...because for us to do any more...is actually going to cost us something."
It's just not fair. I could've been born anywhere, into any circumstance. Why did God choose to bless me by allowing me to be born in America with a fantastic and stable family? I could've been born into a starving country in Africa. So why wasn't I? Why are others born into those areas when I don't deserve this blessing any more than they do? It just seems so unfair.
I keep wracking my brain for ideas of things I can do. I feel so limited...but maybe I am my own limitation. I've given away my clothes and offered my time here and there. I've tried to simplify my life many times, and yet I still have enough stuff for four people. There are big things I could do...but they would cost me. And I'm afraid of the sacrifice. I don't want to give up my stuff. I don't want to give away my money. I don't want to be uncomfortable. If I'm not the definition of selfishness, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be praying about this a lot this week..and in weeks to come. And if you have any ideas that you've tried or know of, send them my way.
If you're interested in learning more about all this, check out i-heart.gov. It's got crazy awesome stuff like a simple explanation of the top 20 problems in the world, plus ideas on what you can do right where you are. Maybe you have some ideas that you can't do, but SOMEONE can. Post it and watch it happen!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NlyZqJhwk
"It's not fair that we can go about consuming every single material option that comes our way while the widow and orphan are stripped of life's basic dignities because they're victims of a conflict that simply isn't theirs."
"It's not fair that there's a generation who are choking on their obesity while, at the same time, there's 30 thousand children who will die today for lack of food."
"It's not fair that we can sit and watch the evening news from the comfort of our living rooms and pity those who live where the storm hit or where the ground shook or where the water rose and simply feel sorry for them and then change the channel while they suffer."
"Who are we to forget the downtrodden or the oppressed or the marginalized while we go about chasing the dream?"
"...because for us to do any more...is actually going to cost us something."
It's just not fair. I could've been born anywhere, into any circumstance. Why did God choose to bless me by allowing me to be born in America with a fantastic and stable family? I could've been born into a starving country in Africa. So why wasn't I? Why are others born into those areas when I don't deserve this blessing any more than they do? It just seems so unfair.
I keep wracking my brain for ideas of things I can do. I feel so limited...but maybe I am my own limitation. I've given away my clothes and offered my time here and there. I've tried to simplify my life many times, and yet I still have enough stuff for four people. There are big things I could do...but they would cost me. And I'm afraid of the sacrifice. I don't want to give up my stuff. I don't want to give away my money. I don't want to be uncomfortable. If I'm not the definition of selfishness, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be praying about this a lot this week..and in weeks to come. And if you have any ideas that you've tried or know of, send them my way.
If you're interested in learning more about all this, check out i-heart.gov. It's got crazy awesome stuff like a simple explanation of the top 20 problems in the world, plus ideas on what you can do right where you are. Maybe you have some ideas that you can't do, but SOMEONE can. Post it and watch it happen!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
We'll Be Young Forever
God has been blessing me so much these past few days. I feel totally overwhelmed by his love and provision, and I just wanted to share it with anyone who's willing to read.
I mentioned on a previous post that I'm refraining from making any material purchases for myself this semester. I have been very successful in following through on that so far. It's been a little difficult at times, but when I really think about it I realize that I don't need any of the things that I've been tempted by recently, and I'm saving lots of money, so it's been awesome.
Anyway, I was thinking the other day that there were some things I was running out of that I don't really need but I would really like to keep buying (aka mascara, lotions, nail polish, etc.) Yes yes, girly things. So I was debating in my head whether or not it would be okay for me to still buy them, but I hadn't come to a decision yet. A few nights later, my aunt and uncle took me out to eat for my birthday. They had brought along a present, and it was a bag FULL of girl things. Nail polish, eyeliner, lotion, body wash, mascara - everything that I had been thinking about! I couldn't believe it! My aunt told me that she and my cousin were reading a web article about the top beauty products for women, so they decided to go out and get me some of the things from the list. So not only did I get what I needed, but I got some LEGIT stuff! I felt like God was clearly saying, "Thank you for being obedient. And see? I will provide for you!" So that was awesome. I'm still smiling about it.
Other things to be happy about: I went downtown with some friends last night for a free country concert held outside to kick off the World Equestrian Games. It was raining when we got there, and we weren't sure it was actually going to happen, but the rain stopped and it was a fantastic concert! So many rednecks singing along to every song, waving their beers in the air and groping their sweethearts. Good times.
One of my roommates coaches a little kids' soccer team, so a couple of us went to watch them play this morning. It was so cute. The kids are all super sassy and cop major attitudes, but you can tell that they love it. Afterward, I experienced my first burger at Five Guys, and then came home and recorded for a while.
And besides all these wonderful things in the past, I have so much to look forward to! Eric and I just cast his play, and we're starting rehearsals this next week. I have A Chorus Line to look forward to in a couple months. I'm going to my first UK game on the 9th. I get to see a lovely friend in a musical next weekend. My dad is coming at the end of next month to do a father/daughter worship service during homecoming weekend. And at the Equestrian Games tomorrow, admission for college students is free!
I feel so incredibly blessed. Life is so good.
I mentioned on a previous post that I'm refraining from making any material purchases for myself this semester. I have been very successful in following through on that so far. It's been a little difficult at times, but when I really think about it I realize that I don't need any of the things that I've been tempted by recently, and I'm saving lots of money, so it's been awesome.
Anyway, I was thinking the other day that there were some things I was running out of that I don't really need but I would really like to keep buying (aka mascara, lotions, nail polish, etc.) Yes yes, girly things. So I was debating in my head whether or not it would be okay for me to still buy them, but I hadn't come to a decision yet. A few nights later, my aunt and uncle took me out to eat for my birthday. They had brought along a present, and it was a bag FULL of girl things. Nail polish, eyeliner, lotion, body wash, mascara - everything that I had been thinking about! I couldn't believe it! My aunt told me that she and my cousin were reading a web article about the top beauty products for women, so they decided to go out and get me some of the things from the list. So not only did I get what I needed, but I got some LEGIT stuff! I felt like God was clearly saying, "Thank you for being obedient. And see? I will provide for you!" So that was awesome. I'm still smiling about it.
Other things to be happy about: I went downtown with some friends last night for a free country concert held outside to kick off the World Equestrian Games. It was raining when we got there, and we weren't sure it was actually going to happen, but the rain stopped and it was a fantastic concert! So many rednecks singing along to every song, waving their beers in the air and groping their sweethearts. Good times.
One of my roommates coaches a little kids' soccer team, so a couple of us went to watch them play this morning. It was so cute. The kids are all super sassy and cop major attitudes, but you can tell that they love it. Afterward, I experienced my first burger at Five Guys, and then came home and recorded for a while.
And besides all these wonderful things in the past, I have so much to look forward to! Eric and I just cast his play, and we're starting rehearsals this next week. I have A Chorus Line to look forward to in a couple months. I'm going to my first UK game on the 9th. I get to see a lovely friend in a musical next weekend. My dad is coming at the end of next month to do a father/daughter worship service during homecoming weekend. And at the Equestrian Games tomorrow, admission for college students is free!
I feel so incredibly blessed. Life is so good.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Promise Not to Promise Anymore
I haven't written a new post in a while, so this will be quite a random conglomeration of thoughts in my head that have been rolling around for the past few weeks.
First.
God has been so faithful in showing me his glory recently. I have experienced so much beauty this week. From nature to new relationships, he is constantly showering me with blessings.
The other night I was watching Planet Earth with some friends, and I was blown away by God's creativity. He formed the whole universe so that everything would work together. I mean, even the tiniest little bugs that seem like they have no purpose are actually the sole reason why another species can exist. Poisonous bacteria for one species is a life-giving substance for another. I'm just overwhelmed by God's details and engineering.
Second.
Something has been irking me lately. I've noticed as I'm walking around campus that the majority of people who pass me purposely avoid looking at me. Even if we're the only two for literally miles around (ok, slight exaggeration), the poor soul will do anything possible to avoid acknowledging my existence. And I can't help but think, "What the crap is up with that?!" I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and I may not even say hi to you, but I will for sure look up and at least give you a smile.
So I'm wondering...why do so many of us have this habit? I can't say I've never avoided someone. In fact, I used to be a lot more closed off towards strangers. But then I realized that it's completely ridiculous to avoid acknowledging someone when I walk right by them, especially if we're the only two around. The people on this campus are my brothers and sisters in Christ, for goodness sake! I can understand not saying "hi" to every stranger on the city streets...but here? Really? I just don't get this. It's such a small thing. Look up. Look in their eyes. Smile. Say "hi." Four easy steps and you've instantly affirmed to that person that they are worth acknowledging. You're shy, you say? You fear rejection? Suck it up, little sista, cuz it's somethin' you jus gon' have to get over. Do it.
Third.
Let's talk about something positive again, yes? It's the fourth week of school and I'm still having the time of my life. Homework has been an unpleasant invasion, but at least I enjoy the classes I'm taking for the most part. I've just been trekking all over...staying up late every night like a freshman again...and taking advantage of every opportunity before plays and rehearsals take over my life again. It's been so fun. From late night bike rides to midnight water balloon fights (Aldersgate: Because We Can) to stargazing to jumping off cliffs to having "Bad-A" nights to watching hours of Family Guy to playground hopping to many other things that would have never been able to happen if I was busy with theatre stuff. Coffee has become a necessity to my day for the first time ever, and I can't remember the last time I slept for more than 7 hours. But it's totally worth it. I'm excited to get back into the theatre stuff soon, but I've had a great few weeks.
Life is fantastic. Senior year. Big ol' bite.
Fourth.
Monday was my birthday. It was a fantastic day. It started at midnight with a bonfire, and I woke up the next morning to a lovely breakfast prepared by Olivia. My roommate had left a card on my desk, my parent's present was waiting for me in the living room, and Savanah allowed me to wear one of her beautiful dresses. After chapel I received a huge card with a sloth on it through my CPO, and when I got back to my apartment after lunch, Julie had made a ton of red velvet cupcakes that spelled out "Happy 22nd Birthday Janelle!" I went through the rest of my classes and work, and then a very cute boy took me out for dinner at Sal's. And the day came to a fantastic end when I received tickets to see A Chorus Line at the Opera House by an "anonymous" person. I am so thrilled! It was a wonderful birthday.
So all in all, it's been a good few weeks. God is good, screenplays are difficult to write, and Miracle Whip will never be a sufficient substitute for Mayonnaise.
First.
God has been so faithful in showing me his glory recently. I have experienced so much beauty this week. From nature to new relationships, he is constantly showering me with blessings.
The other night I was watching Planet Earth with some friends, and I was blown away by God's creativity. He formed the whole universe so that everything would work together. I mean, even the tiniest little bugs that seem like they have no purpose are actually the sole reason why another species can exist. Poisonous bacteria for one species is a life-giving substance for another. I'm just overwhelmed by God's details and engineering.
Second.
Something has been irking me lately. I've noticed as I'm walking around campus that the majority of people who pass me purposely avoid looking at me. Even if we're the only two for literally miles around (ok, slight exaggeration), the poor soul will do anything possible to avoid acknowledging my existence. And I can't help but think, "What the crap is up with that?!" I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, and I may not even say hi to you, but I will for sure look up and at least give you a smile.
So I'm wondering...why do so many of us have this habit? I can't say I've never avoided someone. In fact, I used to be a lot more closed off towards strangers. But then I realized that it's completely ridiculous to avoid acknowledging someone when I walk right by them, especially if we're the only two around. The people on this campus are my brothers and sisters in Christ, for goodness sake! I can understand not saying "hi" to every stranger on the city streets...but here? Really? I just don't get this. It's such a small thing. Look up. Look in their eyes. Smile. Say "hi." Four easy steps and you've instantly affirmed to that person that they are worth acknowledging. You're shy, you say? You fear rejection? Suck it up, little sista, cuz it's somethin' you jus gon' have to get over. Do it.
Third.
Let's talk about something positive again, yes? It's the fourth week of school and I'm still having the time of my life. Homework has been an unpleasant invasion, but at least I enjoy the classes I'm taking for the most part. I've just been trekking all over...staying up late every night like a freshman again...and taking advantage of every opportunity before plays and rehearsals take over my life again. It's been so fun. From late night bike rides to midnight water balloon fights (Aldersgate: Because We Can) to stargazing to jumping off cliffs to having "Bad-A" nights to watching hours of Family Guy to playground hopping to many other things that would have never been able to happen if I was busy with theatre stuff. Coffee has become a necessity to my day for the first time ever, and I can't remember the last time I slept for more than 7 hours. But it's totally worth it. I'm excited to get back into the theatre stuff soon, but I've had a great few weeks.
Life is fantastic. Senior year. Big ol' bite.
Fourth.
Monday was my birthday. It was a fantastic day. It started at midnight with a bonfire, and I woke up the next morning to a lovely breakfast prepared by Olivia. My roommate had left a card on my desk, my parent's present was waiting for me in the living room, and Savanah allowed me to wear one of her beautiful dresses. After chapel I received a huge card with a sloth on it through my CPO, and when I got back to my apartment after lunch, Julie had made a ton of red velvet cupcakes that spelled out "Happy 22nd Birthday Janelle!" I went through the rest of my classes and work, and then a very cute boy took me out for dinner at Sal's. And the day came to a fantastic end when I received tickets to see A Chorus Line at the Opera House by an "anonymous" person. I am so thrilled! It was a wonderful birthday.
So all in all, it's been a good few weeks. God is good, screenplays are difficult to write, and Miracle Whip will never be a sufficient substitute for Mayonnaise.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Classic New Yorker
I've been obsessed with this song for the past week or two. I just keep coming back to listen to it. Check it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5VZ88uFDbk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5VZ88uFDbk
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Promise Not to Promise Anymore
Life just feels like one big roller coaster right now. It's up one day and down the next. However, I'm thankful to say that it's been more up than down the past few days.
I like lists, so I think I'll make one right now.
Good Things from the Past Few Days:
1. I discovered Habitat for Humanity downtown. I found an awesome clock for our apartment, old Broadway records, and gnomes...because I live in the Gnome Home.
2. My best friend is still here this week, and we've had wonderful times together.
3. I love living with six other girls and just being able to hang out and talk when we're all home. They are so fun! Tonight we dressed ourselves up in a very edgy, over-the-top way and went out for dessert. We stopped at a gas station to take pictures. No one around us knew what to think. I was afraid we were gonna get picked up by some sleaze bags.
4. I went on an epic adventure with my friend, James, the other day. We went looking for a waterfall in the woods and it ended up being huge. We discovered this huge canyon thing and traversed it up and down and all around. Then we splashed around in the river and found a puppy who played with us in the water for a while. It was fantastic! It was very difficult to leave the puppy. We named her Sandwich.
5. I've been able to sit down and have very meaningful conversations with a lot of people lately, and I love that. Deep conversations make my heart happy.
6. I have somehow reverted back to the ways of freshman year (aka: staying up very late...every night...no matter how early I have to get up the next day). Sometimes I'm doing homework, but most of the time I'm just talking to people or playing around. It's tons of fun, and I haven't suffered terribly from lack of sleep...yet. It's so freeing. I'll never grow up.
7. Despite the rough patches I've experienced the past few weeks, I've been able to praise God. It was difficult at first because I was so angry and frustrating, but every day it sinks in more and more that he is protecting me and knows me better than I know myself. How can I keep from praising him?
8. I was sick. I'm getting better.
9. I got my first tattoo. I love it.
10. Last night I spent the night with three good friends at an apartment in town. We bought a bunch of junk food and watched a scary movie, which I was not a fan of. When we woke up, Theresa had made us a breakfast for champions: pancakes with cookie dough, coffee and fruit. A winning combo.
Not So Good Things from the Past Few Days:
1. The musical that was scheduled for this semester got pushed to next semester, and now I don't even know what we'll be doing. I'm rather discouraged because I feel like I have nothing theatre-related to do this semester, though that's not really true. I'll be helping a friend with his directing project, but that's about it. I was really looking forward to the musical. It's my senior year and I feel like it's slipping away and I'm not doing anything. I really hope I can do a lot of stuff next semester besides my own project. I just feel discouraged.
2. I may have made it through Writing for Media last semester without crying, but there is a very good possibility that I will shed a few tears over my Screenwriting class. I have absolutely no idea what I'm writing about. Sheesh. Lord, help me.
3. I'm slowly realizing all the things I wish I had done while I was here. I wish I had been an Ambassador. I wish I had run for some sort of class cabinet position. I wish...well, anyway, watching the freshmen move in was weird. I got to thinking about what I would do differently if I could go back and start over at orientation. I would do a whole lot of things different. But it's also a good thing. I won't keep living in the past. Instead, it encourages me to take a huge bite out of this senior year and squeeze as many things as I possibly can in before it's over. I'm excited.
4. I'm still healing. That's enough about that.
5. My best friend, Theresa, moved to Nashville today. I will miss her terribly, and I'm not quite sure how I'll survive without her for a whole semester. But I plan to visit her at least once.
So all in all, more good than bad. It's going to be a great year.
I like lists, so I think I'll make one right now.
Good Things from the Past Few Days:
1. I discovered Habitat for Humanity downtown. I found an awesome clock for our apartment, old Broadway records, and gnomes...because I live in the Gnome Home.
2. My best friend is still here this week, and we've had wonderful times together.
3. I love living with six other girls and just being able to hang out and talk when we're all home. They are so fun! Tonight we dressed ourselves up in a very edgy, over-the-top way and went out for dessert. We stopped at a gas station to take pictures. No one around us knew what to think. I was afraid we were gonna get picked up by some sleaze bags.
4. I went on an epic adventure with my friend, James, the other day. We went looking for a waterfall in the woods and it ended up being huge. We discovered this huge canyon thing and traversed it up and down and all around. Then we splashed around in the river and found a puppy who played with us in the water for a while. It was fantastic! It was very difficult to leave the puppy. We named her Sandwich.
5. I've been able to sit down and have very meaningful conversations with a lot of people lately, and I love that. Deep conversations make my heart happy.
6. I have somehow reverted back to the ways of freshman year (aka: staying up very late...every night...no matter how early I have to get up the next day). Sometimes I'm doing homework, but most of the time I'm just talking to people or playing around. It's tons of fun, and I haven't suffered terribly from lack of sleep...yet. It's so freeing. I'll never grow up.
7. Despite the rough patches I've experienced the past few weeks, I've been able to praise God. It was difficult at first because I was so angry and frustrating, but every day it sinks in more and more that he is protecting me and knows me better than I know myself. How can I keep from praising him?
8. I was sick. I'm getting better.
9. I got my first tattoo. I love it.
10. Last night I spent the night with three good friends at an apartment in town. We bought a bunch of junk food and watched a scary movie, which I was not a fan of. When we woke up, Theresa had made us a breakfast for champions: pancakes with cookie dough, coffee and fruit. A winning combo.
Not So Good Things from the Past Few Days:
1. The musical that was scheduled for this semester got pushed to next semester, and now I don't even know what we'll be doing. I'm rather discouraged because I feel like I have nothing theatre-related to do this semester, though that's not really true. I'll be helping a friend with his directing project, but that's about it. I was really looking forward to the musical. It's my senior year and I feel like it's slipping away and I'm not doing anything. I really hope I can do a lot of stuff next semester besides my own project. I just feel discouraged.
2. I may have made it through Writing for Media last semester without crying, but there is a very good possibility that I will shed a few tears over my Screenwriting class. I have absolutely no idea what I'm writing about. Sheesh. Lord, help me.
3. I'm slowly realizing all the things I wish I had done while I was here. I wish I had been an Ambassador. I wish I had run for some sort of class cabinet position. I wish...well, anyway, watching the freshmen move in was weird. I got to thinking about what I would do differently if I could go back and start over at orientation. I would do a whole lot of things different. But it's also a good thing. I won't keep living in the past. Instead, it encourages me to take a huge bite out of this senior year and squeeze as many things as I possibly can in before it's over. I'm excited.
4. I'm still healing. That's enough about that.
5. My best friend, Theresa, moved to Nashville today. I will miss her terribly, and I'm not quite sure how I'll survive without her for a whole semester. But I plan to visit her at least once.
So all in all, more good than bad. It's going to be a great year.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
There's a World
I feel like I have a lot to say today, but my fingers can't seem to connect with my brain. So instead of writing what is in my head, I will simply leave a link to my favorite short story in the whole wide world...or at least my favorite of the stories I have read so far. It's really not terribly long, so if you have a few minutes, I'd love for you to read it and tell me what you think!
It's called "Long Walk to Forever" by Kurt Vonnegut.
http://lib.ru/RAZNOE/long.txt
It's called "Long Walk to Forever" by Kurt Vonnegut.
http://lib.ru/RAZNOE/long.txt
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Catching Things and Eating Their Insides
I don't know where I would be without my friends. I have the best friends in the whole world. My roommate from the past two years is visiting for a good long stay, and she has been there constantly for me to lean on. She sits and listens to me cry and talk, and then she takes me out so that I can be distracted. She's the best.
I'll admit that it gets a little easier every day. Yesterday was a pretty good day...until nighttime came. I think everyone has those days when they think they're getting better and everything will be alright. And then the night comes, and everyone goes to bed, and you can't sleep. So you sit up and think too much until you are completely overwhelmed. Those are the nights you stay up for hours reading your Bible and desperately searching for comfort...peace...healing. That was me last night.
I started reading in Ephesians and then switched over to the Psalms. The Psalms are so comforting because they are a constant reminder that people long before us struggled and pleaded with God for the same things we ask of him today. And God always listened. He always cared for them. He was constantly showering his grace and mercy on his people. And he still is.
I came across several verses between Psalm 66 and 69 that I found to be especially helpful, so I thought I would share:
66:9 - "Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling."
66:12 - "We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance."
68:19 - "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms."
69:16 - "Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful."
I love the verse about him carrying us in his arms...every day. He never leaves our side.
I woke up this morning and my cough seems to have gotten worse over night. I was coughing a lung up in the bathroom, and my current roommate walked out of her bedroom and said, "What kind of tea would you like?" And she proceeded to make me tea with honey, brought me Vitamin C tablets and other various remedies for my sickness.
His mercies are new each morning. I am so loved.
I'll admit that it gets a little easier every day. Yesterday was a pretty good day...until nighttime came. I think everyone has those days when they think they're getting better and everything will be alright. And then the night comes, and everyone goes to bed, and you can't sleep. So you sit up and think too much until you are completely overwhelmed. Those are the nights you stay up for hours reading your Bible and desperately searching for comfort...peace...healing. That was me last night.
I started reading in Ephesians and then switched over to the Psalms. The Psalms are so comforting because they are a constant reminder that people long before us struggled and pleaded with God for the same things we ask of him today. And God always listened. He always cared for them. He was constantly showering his grace and mercy on his people. And he still is.
I came across several verses between Psalm 66 and 69 that I found to be especially helpful, so I thought I would share:
66:9 - "Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling."
66:12 - "We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance."
68:19 - "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms."
69:16 - "Answer my prayers, O Lord, for your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for your mercy is so plentiful."
I love the verse about him carrying us in his arms...every day. He never leaves our side.
I woke up this morning and my cough seems to have gotten worse over night. I was coughing a lung up in the bathroom, and my current roommate walked out of her bedroom and said, "What kind of tea would you like?" And she proceeded to make me tea with honey, brought me Vitamin C tablets and other various remedies for my sickness.
His mercies are new each morning. I am so loved.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Get By With a Little Help from My Friends
God is so good to me. I don't always understand his ways or why certain things have to be, but he always reminds me of his faithfulness and love...often through other people.
This has probably been the worst first week of school I've ever had. Huge disappointments right before school started seem to have caused a chain reaction. I haven't been able to sleep hardly at all. I'm not even really tired...except I know my body is exhausted because my eye twitches a lot (always a sure sign for me.) But I lie in bed for hours, wake up early, and can't seem to even take naps during the day. And, like all the other times I haven't gotten enough sleep, I have acquired a bad cold.
On top of that, I had a terrible audition last night. I didn't connect to either of the scenes I was given, and I couldn't understand what the director wanted me to do. And, to top it off, the freshman who was my reading partner for both scenes gave me a freaking line read when she was explaining something to me. How embarrassing is that. I knew I wouldn't be cast. It was just a bad night. Super distracted, super disconnected. My usual director told me today that he could see it on my face during the whole audition. Wow. I won't let it happen again.
So I woke up this morning tired, hacking my lungs up, and knowing I didn't get cast in a show. Not a great start to the day. But God, in his usual humorous way, didn't let me get very far before coming to meet me. I walked into chapel and we sang Before the Throne of God which is one of my favorite hymns.
"Because the sinless Saviour died, my sinful soul is counted free
For God, the just, is satisfied to look on him and pardon me."
He died for me. He pleads for me. He purchased me with his own blood. I am so loved.
After chapel, I went to check my CPO before class and two people I love very much had sent me cards to encourage me. One of the cards was from a friend of mine who broke up with her boyfriend about a year ago. In the card I got from her today she wrote:
"You wrote down this verse for me when I was going through a tough time as well: Philippians 1:6 'So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.'"
I just stood right outside of CPO and cried. God suddenly reminded me of his word in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ."
I have been reminded over and over that sometimes we go through difficult times so that we can help others through them later. I've known this, but it was so beautiful to me today to see it come full circle. I went through a rough time, so when my friend went through the same thing I shared that verse with her. And now, I'm going through the same thing again and she is able to recycle the comfort right back to me. Isn't that so beautiful!
So it's Friday night. It's been a very long and difficult week. I'm sick and very tired. But God is good. All the time.
This has probably been the worst first week of school I've ever had. Huge disappointments right before school started seem to have caused a chain reaction. I haven't been able to sleep hardly at all. I'm not even really tired...except I know my body is exhausted because my eye twitches a lot (always a sure sign for me.) But I lie in bed for hours, wake up early, and can't seem to even take naps during the day. And, like all the other times I haven't gotten enough sleep, I have acquired a bad cold.
On top of that, I had a terrible audition last night. I didn't connect to either of the scenes I was given, and I couldn't understand what the director wanted me to do. And, to top it off, the freshman who was my reading partner for both scenes gave me a freaking line read when she was explaining something to me. How embarrassing is that. I knew I wouldn't be cast. It was just a bad night. Super distracted, super disconnected. My usual director told me today that he could see it on my face during the whole audition. Wow. I won't let it happen again.
So I woke up this morning tired, hacking my lungs up, and knowing I didn't get cast in a show. Not a great start to the day. But God, in his usual humorous way, didn't let me get very far before coming to meet me. I walked into chapel and we sang Before the Throne of God which is one of my favorite hymns.
"Because the sinless Saviour died, my sinful soul is counted free
For God, the just, is satisfied to look on him and pardon me."
He died for me. He pleads for me. He purchased me with his own blood. I am so loved.
After chapel, I went to check my CPO before class and two people I love very much had sent me cards to encourage me. One of the cards was from a friend of mine who broke up with her boyfriend about a year ago. In the card I got from her today she wrote:
"You wrote down this verse for me when I was going through a tough time as well: Philippians 1:6 'So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.'"
I just stood right outside of CPO and cried. God suddenly reminded me of his word in 2 Corinthians 1:4-5
"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ."
I have been reminded over and over that sometimes we go through difficult times so that we can help others through them later. I've known this, but it was so beautiful to me today to see it come full circle. I went through a rough time, so when my friend went through the same thing I shared that verse with her. And now, I'm going through the same thing again and she is able to recycle the comfort right back to me. Isn't that so beautiful!
So it's Friday night. It's been a very long and difficult week. I'm sick and very tired. But God is good. All the time.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Bleed Dry to Quit
I am a far cry from perfection. I'm moody. I say and do things I regret every day. I'm selfish. I'm needy.
It took me until 4 am to fall asleep last night, and as I was lying in bed wide awake, I was thinking about this blog and felt like I needed to explain some things.
I chose to write this blog at the beginning of this year partly because I like to write and I felt like there might be people out there who would be interested in what I have to say. But I also started this blog as a way for me to express myself when my mind overflows with thoughts and feelings. I figure that since it's my blog, I can write about what I want, including the things that frustrate me, hurt me or excite me. I choose to be vulnerable because I know that people appreciate it. I have received a number of emails and comments from people who have told me that they admire my willingness to be honest and real in a way that many people avoid for fear of judgment and rejection. And I like writing about how I feel because it helps me sort things out.
However, I do not want to use this blog as a weapon. I often struggle with passive aggressive behavior, and I realize that my recent posts have probably come across that way. I feel that I should have the freedom to say what I feel and think about the events in my life, but I do not want to send anyone on a guilt trip if they happen to read it. Sometimes that might be unavoidable, and it's not that I do it intentionally, I'm just writing my thoughts about life...and let's face it, life can suck sometimes.
So to anyone who has ever felt like I was passively attacking them through one of my posts, I apologize. I'm sure it's happened more than once and that it's something I need to be very careful about. It can be difficult to draw the line between venting my frustrations to be read by anyone and writing something intentionally aimed at another person for them to read and feel bad.
I'm still learning. In the song I carelessly posted last night, one of the best lines was actually aimed towards me.
"What you did to me made me
See myself something different
Though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen"
I'm such a stubborn person when it comes to things I am passionate about or care for. I don't like to let things die without a fight. I cherish things in my mind like no one's business, so it's extremely hard for me to immediately disconnect from certain circumstances and situations. I take about three times as long as most people do to get over things and move on. I tell myself the truth, but I just won't listen.
Anyway, I just wanted to send an apology out into the void. Like I said, I'm far from perfect, and I say a lot of things without thinking. So bear with me...and please don't stop reading.
It took me until 4 am to fall asleep last night, and as I was lying in bed wide awake, I was thinking about this blog and felt like I needed to explain some things.
I chose to write this blog at the beginning of this year partly because I like to write and I felt like there might be people out there who would be interested in what I have to say. But I also started this blog as a way for me to express myself when my mind overflows with thoughts and feelings. I figure that since it's my blog, I can write about what I want, including the things that frustrate me, hurt me or excite me. I choose to be vulnerable because I know that people appreciate it. I have received a number of emails and comments from people who have told me that they admire my willingness to be honest and real in a way that many people avoid for fear of judgment and rejection. And I like writing about how I feel because it helps me sort things out.
However, I do not want to use this blog as a weapon. I often struggle with passive aggressive behavior, and I realize that my recent posts have probably come across that way. I feel that I should have the freedom to say what I feel and think about the events in my life, but I do not want to send anyone on a guilt trip if they happen to read it. Sometimes that might be unavoidable, and it's not that I do it intentionally, I'm just writing my thoughts about life...and let's face it, life can suck sometimes.
So to anyone who has ever felt like I was passively attacking them through one of my posts, I apologize. I'm sure it's happened more than once and that it's something I need to be very careful about. It can be difficult to draw the line between venting my frustrations to be read by anyone and writing something intentionally aimed at another person for them to read and feel bad.
I'm still learning. In the song I carelessly posted last night, one of the best lines was actually aimed towards me.
"What you did to me made me
See myself something different
Though I try to talk sense to myself
But I just won't listen"
I'm such a stubborn person when it comes to things I am passionate about or care for. I don't like to let things die without a fight. I cherish things in my mind like no one's business, so it's extremely hard for me to immediately disconnect from certain circumstances and situations. I take about three times as long as most people do to get over things and move on. I tell myself the truth, but I just won't listen.
Anyway, I just wanted to send an apology out into the void. Like I said, I'm far from perfect, and I say a lot of things without thinking. So bear with me...and please don't stop reading.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Oh Well
This song is almost perfect...except for maybe the unconditional love part:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ng9Oel5DXY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ng9Oel5DXY
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